Since i was a little girl , i would always questions everything that is happening in my life . Sometimes , i feel as if was born unlucky and that all Allah S.W.T is hates me and is torturing me by making me suffer through all this never ending obstacles in life . I dont know how long will i be able to hold on with everything . During the day i would try my best to hide away all my pain by smiling and laughing , but sometimes at night , everything just seem so dark and trap that i would just eventually burst out crying .
Papa ? Without him i will never be here ... but sadly , i have never gotten the chance to get to know him . Papa and Mama got separated when i was three and eversince i never gotten the chance to spend time with him and getting to know his personality . I dont even know his birthday ... but what my grandma always say is that everything happens for a reason . Because of the separation , mama met daddy and that had made me who i am today . I should be thankful that i get to travel overseas often as for daddy is a british guy and that he treats me like i am his own daughter .... But you see , at some point in your life , there are always a time when you suddenly just wonder and imagine on how will your life be like if your real dad is still with you . How does it feel to be with your own father .
And now , I am questioning myself , why am i here today ? why did i ever decline such a good oppurtunity which is to pursue my studies in hammersmith in business marketing . Why am i stuck in this deserted place . Why do i have to be here all alone without my parents , my sisters ..... and worse yet , the guy that i love too is not here . I am wondering why Allah has to take everyone away from me and leave me here by my own . Yes , i do have my other family members .. but it will never feel the same . My best friends , the one that i have always counted on , the one that i treated as my own sister , she left too .
Also , I wonder on how would my life be like in the future . Where will my parents be ? What will my sister do ? Will i be successful ? Will i still be with him ? Will i still be able to handle this long distance relationship ? Who are my true friends ? who would stay by myside , through my up and down in life ? Who would Help me get through all the obstacles in lfe ? Will i dissapoint my mum again or will i make her happy ? Is papa going to suddenly reappear in my life ?
It is all a mystery . Still a mystery .
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